In anticipation of Halloween 2014, I posted this question on my Facebook page: “Think back…what was the absolute worst candy/item you’ve ever received while trick-or-treating?”
Within three responses, I knew this was a thread that needed to be turned into a post. The answers were priceless and here are the Top 10.
10. “Toothbrush from the dentist down the street, complete with a poem on how to brush.” –Melissa N-M
Commentary: Talk about beating a dead horse. It’s bad enough scoring a toothbrush on Halloween, of all holidays, but with an accompanying poem?!? Cruel.
9. “Five pennies bound together. Even a straight up nickel would have been better.” –Ken M.
Commentary: Unless Ken was a child in the 1920’s, scoring 5 cents, in any coinage, just sucks. This one particularly hit home with me as I too once received 5 cents from an old geezer.
8. “A prayer on a paper slip.” –Sylvia B.
Commentary: When I started writing many moons ago, I vowed to never mix food with religion. Sometimes you must make exceptions.
7. “Nothing! We knocked on a house full of Jehovah’s Witnesses and got a scolding.” –Joann S.
Commentary: Dammit! I swear, no more religion.
6. “Lion Club candy!!! Yuck!!! And they still give it out … my daughter got tons of it last year … don’t people know it’s nasty?” –Crystal B.
Commentary: Apparently, there is a fairly large segment of the population that still thinks this candy isn’t the most vile and disgusting horseshit known to man.
5. “Circus Peanuts. I’d prefer an apple with a razor blade in it.” –Carla K.
Commentary: True story, when I was five, I had to drag in trash cans for some old lady across the street. As payment for the task, I received two Circus Peanuts, which immediately got placed right in the trash can I had just taken to the side of her house.
4. “Ramen Noodles.” –Brian P.
Commentary: OK…that’s just plain funny. Could you imagine the disappointment?
3. “I got a cough drop once!” –Jess M.
Commentary: Your spoiled ass should have been happy with a cough drop. And don’t tell me it was a cherry Luden’s. Those were better than half the candy I devoured as a kid.
2. “I once got carrot sticks in a little baggy.” –Jenny B
Commentary: What sick SOB hands out carrot sticks on Halloween? And you know they were the same leftover bag from an earlier lunch. Poor kid.
1. “I got a rock.” –Evan H.
Commentary: I obviously don’t know all the details, but getting a rock while trick-or-treating is like getting a swift kick in the nuts … it happens fast, and the pain is deep and long-lasting. There’s a special place in hell for the person who gives out rocks on Halloween.
Honorable Mention: “Easter Peeps. Seriously.” –Ashton W.
Commentary: It’s never too late to clean out that Easter candy, and seriously, the shelf life on Peeps is like 10 years. Still, it’s pretty demoralizing to be on the receiving end.
RIP Damgoode Pies
November 20, 2023
